Recognize that these events are about the passage of time and the years gone by.
This time of year, ask any parent the casual “How are you?” question and you are likely to hear about their efforts to make it through the chaos of the end of the school year. Many of us go from the usual state of busy to a state of sprinting to the finish line juggling school plays, teacher conferences, classroom parties, thank you gifts, end of season playoffs, awards ceremonies, prom dress shopping, jump-up days and graduations. As if that’s not enough, we are managing all that while also coping with our kids’ (and our own) anxiety about transitions, and the weight of the temporary part-time job of planning the logistics of summer.
If this sounds familiar, here are a few nuggets to put in your pocket to help you get through the this chaotic season with grace and ease:
1) Let yourself feel the emotions of the moment. Remember, each of the events piling up in your calendar is there not because the event itself is critical, but because it’s marking an important accomplishment, the end of a meaningful era, or the beginning of something to celebrate. Just like a wedding is more about the new marriage than the party, these end of year events are about more than stress, gifts, and the Herculean feat of squeezing it all in. Instead of racing through one event to get to the next, take advantage of each milestone as a cue to slow down and look around, and feel the transition that is underway. Feel the pride, grief, melancholy, relief, joy…feel it all. Feeling your way through it keeps you present, and brings you deeper into your own life experience. Stress pops you up out of your life – emotions ground you back in. Stress burns you out and leaves you numb – emotions are a path to reawakening.
2) Practice expressing these emotions to the people who are on the ride with you! Instead of spending money and shopping time on expensive gifts for teachers, coaches, and graduates, buy one pack of beautiful stationary and invest your time and emotional presence in writing from the heart. Reflect back on what the milestone event signifies, what you have been through with each other along the way, and what you have observed about the other person’s struggles, victories, and growth. A mug will disappear to the back of the shelf…your words will stay with them forever.
3) Do it your way. Milestone events are best experienced authentically. Does your family like to arrive as a pack and hoot and holler your way through the ceremony? Go for it. Do you like to sit alone on the side, cry quietly, and try to catch just the right photo? Go for it. All of these events are ultimately about celebrating your kids, yourself, and all the people in your inner village.
So let yourself – and them– show up as they really are to get the most juice out of the experience. Maybe this means letting your teen dress down instead of up. Maybe this means skipping an event or two to make space for something else that feels more important. Whatever it means, it’s ok! Celebrate who you have all become and who you are all becoming by showing up as who you really are.
4) Find the humor in it all. Stress has a hard time taking hold when you are in a state of amusement. On a day when you have to super–parent your way through five events for three kids in two hours, find opportunities to laugh. Have a quick dance party in the car on the way to event #4. Enjoy the hilarity of the mishaps when things go a bit awry. And as you reflect with nostalgia, include memories of the silly, funny moments that kept you laughing over the years. Amusement is like a protective shield – it helps stress slide right off your back.
This season’s events are about the passage of time and the years gone by, and this moment of May-induced chaos will soon go by, as well. Turn it into a time to wake up your heart and celebrate the people you love. Let this chaotic month help you connect with all that has mattered most on this crazy ride. And when summer finally hits…take a long nap in the sun.